eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
