apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
