I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
