drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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