At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Houston, we have a squirter
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
