What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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