the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
