I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
