I accidentally had phone sex last night
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
