Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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