I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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