Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
