I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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