Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no. you can't hotbox the world.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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