quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
