why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
