I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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