He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
