I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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