Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
