remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
