After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
