i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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