Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
