This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
