You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
