White coat. Heels.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize