Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
