I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
