he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
