the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
