Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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