hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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