My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
