Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
40s are totally the cure
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
