nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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