Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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