The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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