i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
