jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
