So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
