if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
