did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
