overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
