My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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