I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
