he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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