He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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