My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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