Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
