is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
