So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
