did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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