I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
