mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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