I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
smell my finger.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
