Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
