how can u be prego again
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I intend to get homeless drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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