yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
