I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
