where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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