my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
