If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
