areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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