he thought i was a dude.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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