Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
did i just pee glitter
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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