I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
