if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
