I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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