Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
