in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
