Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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