woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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