Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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