he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
