real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize