So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
