I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
