NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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