what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
