your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize