first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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