Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
