It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
