i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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