i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
