Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how drunk are you?
Several
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
