So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
