i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
