How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
