I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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