Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize