oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
